Compassion starts now
The dots was founded on the values of compassion, community and connection.
These last couple of weeks have shown we are in dire need of all of the above. I’ve lived in Scotland for nearly 20 years but was born and raised in East Kent- think small seaside towns and cobbled streets. And now, Reform.
Seeing how far Reform has spread in the local elections and seeing the responses to the high court judgement around sex and gender is utterly despairing. Have we really lost our compassion, our empathy towards each other to such an extent that we are actively seeking to harm minoritised groups? To force people back into closets? To tell people to stay in countries and communities that are unsafe? To spread racist lies that divide us and cause fear and real hurt?
Those of us who are seeking to build spaces of freedom, connection and peace see that these words cause harm. That the far right is advancing. That we must name what is in front of us. Racism, fear, pain.
In terms of the high court ruling, the women’s sector has struggled with the definition of womanhood for far longer than I’ve been part of it, it’s in our DNA. But those of us in Violence Against Women spaces come to this work because we are deeply impacted by men’s violence towards us. Those of us on the receiving end of misogyny, sexism, and violence know how devastating that experience can be. How it can change the course of our lives, make us scared, quieter, smaller. Make us doubt our minds and our bodies. Those of us who experience that and who fight against that should not be at war with each other. It is men’s violence towards us that is the problem. Now is the time for more solidarity, more care, more empathy. Despite what some of the chat around adolescence would tell us-no, I’m not asking girls and women to worry about whether the term toxic makes boys and men hurt us-no, I’m asking boys and men to care more about women.
I’m not saying people of colour and trans, non binary and gender queer people should hold space for white tears and cis fears. No. I’m saying those of us with social power need to do some deep reflection, take some deep responsibility and build our own empathy muscles. Should seek to lead from a place of care, not hate. I wrote last time of the need to create when they destroy, and here it is, right now. The opportunity to build and support our imperfect communities as a crucial form of resistance. We must stand in solidarity with each other-in sadness, in fearful apprehension-and, I hope, in hope. We are not doing this from scratch.
We are treading paths that have already been laid for us. Those that came before us have seen many versions of this moment, they fought, they made changes, they built communities of care around each other. Their successes weren’t perfect, but they were good enough. We learn from their lessons and we pass on our wisdom to those who come next. Because we are doing this in deep solidarity and commitment to care. We don’t need to all agree all the time, we don’t need to be perfect and free from mistakes, we don’t need each other to be flawless and ideologically pure. But. We do need to find spaces of community where we can look at the march towards the far right in the eye and resist it together, from a place of compassion, care, and connection.
As part of my solidarity efforts, I’ll be working (pro-bono) with beyond the page, an East Kent organisation supporting women, to help bounce ideas around about trauma-informed work, to support my literal and metaphorical sisters in the best way that I can using the tools that I have. If you’re an activist or a small community group and want to chat about your ideas, or need a listening ear -please do get in touch. I’m happy to offer young feminists and activists a free chat to help strategise, care for each other to support our alliances and communities. I’ve been having such wonderful, fruitful conversations with folk all over the UK since putting out a call for connections, and it gives me such deep hope that we can, and we will, prevail. It is hard out there right now, and we are full of despair. This weekend, find those spaces of kindness; dance, eat, rest, feel the sand on your toes, love those you love, place your hands in the soil and lie in the sun.
In compassion, connection and community.
